if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
