you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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