The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
