Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
