I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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