I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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