so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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