I should be sponsored by Trojan
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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