Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
