you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
