The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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