I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
