You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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