hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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