i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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