THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
