Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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