do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
All I want is dick and wine.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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