it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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