i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i think i just lost a toe
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
