I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
