There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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