Have you finally orgasmed yet?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
