Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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