he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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