he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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