My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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