We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
