Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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