Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
