He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think my moral compass just broke
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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