He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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