i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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