dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
