yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
