Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
