i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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