wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
