very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
