I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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