You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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