i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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