Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I need to sanitize my soul.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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