its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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