Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
