haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
