Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
