Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
wanna go halves on a baby?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
