i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
