Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
