My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
