Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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