So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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