I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
